4/01/2015

The Exciting Case of Juancho Valencia

I don’t have time to write a very long post because I’m scouting baseball players in Spain during Easter, and yesterday I found an exciting phenomenom: a Spanish 18 year old with a 106 mph fastball which flies in with a slight rising motion. The kid throws so hard I had to use two catchers in a 30 minute session. And to make this find even more incredible he also runs a 4.3 second 40 yard dash…he can pinch run when he’s not pitching and steal bases at will.

I know the idea of a rising fastball sounds impossible, but we took a high speed video, and it seems the kid puts a spinning motion on the ball which creates a vacuum on the ball´s upper side with one seam loop approximation, and this lifts it against the force of gravity,  

Juancho during yesterday´s  baseball tryout. Note 
his arm motion, and splayed big toe, are identical 
to  Sidd Finch´s, the 1980´s mistery phenomenom.  

For those who are interested in this effect, which I have named the “Juancho Effect”, the renormalization group analysis of the baseball´s  mass is performed with the extra initial condition 4λ=g2=(5/3)g′2 for the baseball’s quartic and SU(2)L and U(1)Y gauge coupling constants. This initial condition is introduced in the new scheme of noncommutative differential geometry, but the grand unification of the coupling constants is not realized in this scheme.


The key to Juancho´s supernatural abilities seems to be his upgringing. Juancho is from a small fishing village, Salema, where it´s customary for children to help their parents haul huge nets full of anchovies. The repetitive motion they use allows them to develop huge arm muscles which, by sheer accident, also have the muscle fiber aligned in the perfect geometric shape, and this allows them to throw objects at superhuman veloticities with incredible accuracy.

Salema Village. The fishing boats, full of anchovies,
 are dragged on the sand by the town´s women after
the men and their children haul in the day´s catch


I’m signing Juancho to a five year contract and plan to sell him to the NY Mets for $80 million, which may be cheap considering he is going to revolutionize American baseball.

No hay comentarios:

Publicar un comentario en la entrada